Thursday, November 5, 2009

Speaker of the . . . Laundry Room

[brought to you through the magic of pre-scheduled posting]


Because working with laundry so often seems to bring out the declamatory mode -

I ASK YOU - WHY MUST
THE WORKSPACE
IN A HOUSE SO OFTEN EXIST IN
CRAMPED INCONVENIENCE? 

CONSIDER WITH ME, IF YOU WILL,
WHY IT IS WE TRY TO SQUEEZE THE ONGOING PROCESS OF LAUNDRY
INTO SPACE INSUFFICIENT? RATHER THE WAY,
OUR  SOCIETY ALLOWS  ONLY THE BAREST INSUFFICIENCY
FOR THE AGING AND THE ILL - AS IF CLOTHES
WERE ONLY EVER CLEAN AND BODIES
ONLY EVER YOUNG.

WOULD YOU NOT CONCEDE
THAT LAUNDRY, THUS, IS THE MATERIAL
 MANIFESTATION OF OUR INABILITY
TO MAKE PSYCHIC SPACE
FOR OUR OWN MORTALITY?




Quite.  Although now that we've raised the twin idols of this Shrine to Cleanliness up on their own dais (allowing the exhaust tubing to run underneath and buying us an extra 4") at last the Doors may open to their full extent and moreover a basket be slid from one gaping Mouth to the other. 

Which cuts down on the declaiming.

Especially because we've also (I mean we in the sense of skilled builders who do this for a living) bumped out a folding counter on the opposite wall and also replumbed the out-drain of the washer to go . . . well, out . . . rather than dumping into what is now repositioned as a use-worthy sink. 

FOR THE WELL-BEING
OF THE NATION DEPENDS UPON
MAKING THE WORKING SPACES
OF HOME PRODUCTION AS EFFICIENT
AS ANY FACTORY
WOULD REQUIRE.
ONLY WHEN WE SEE OUR HOMES AS
WORKSHOPS AND LABORATORIES
RATHER THAN GARAGES AND
STORAGE UNITS FOR OUR ELECTRONIC PURCHASES
CAN THE NATION ARISE
FROM ITS STUPOR OF
OVERCONSUMPTION.  
OUR HOMES MUST BE THE CENTER
OF OUR LIVING, RATHER THAN THE REFUGE
FROM THAT LIFE.  A SPACE FOR USE
AND NOT FOR SHOW.

Yes, anyway . . . perhaps now that there is something that more closely approaches space for use, the Speaker of the Laundry Room will feel inclined to pass along useful bits of laving lore?


(AHEM)

Yes? You did have something you wanted to say?
BOILING WATER GETS OUT BERRY STAINS.

Oh, very nice.   

ALSO DISH-SOAP IS BEST AT REMOVING GREASE-MARKS & OIL-SPOTS FROM KNITS.

Ah?  Okay, that's very -

BUY ALL WHITE TOWELS.  
THEY CAN BE BLEACHED THUS ELIMINATING THE FUSTY SMELL TOWELS OTHERWISE GET.

Fusty?

OR MUSTY, IF YOU PREFER.

Is that so?

OH, YES.  WHITE TOWELS + BLEACH = NO FUST, NO MUST. 

Well! thank you . . . there wasn't anything else you wanted to say?

mmm...

What was that? 


Oh, that right.  The Speaker of the House had wanted to hold forth about a thing  - a thing which the Speaker was in the habit of refferring to by a name - which a quick trip to Google reveals to mean . . . well, not tussic as in "pertaining to a cough" and not tussie-mussie
( <---). 
A thing which will be called hereinafter A Useful Thing for Folding Socks
(--->). 
So.  All set?
?

(Yes, please go ahead . . . )
UN-MATCHED SOCKS AWAITING
MATES. 

PLEASE NOTE HOW MUCH MORE
CHEERFUL THEY APPEAR WHEN
ORGANIZED WITH OTHERS
OF SIMILAR INTERESTS.

A NEW BATCH
OF UN-ATTACHED SOCKS ARRIVE CLEAN FROM THE DRYER. 

DO WE HAVE A MATCH FOR HOT PINK ADIDAS

IN FACT, WE DO.

AS FOR THE LONELY SOLES LEFT OVER . . . ?


AT THE END
OF THE MATCHING
ALL SINGLE SOCKS ARE TUCKED
BACK UP
INTO THEIR
USEFUL THING FOR
FOLDING SOCKS.


THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.

THAT'S ALL.


**************
and we're at 8828 words

3 comments:

Lisa B. said...

Love this. Too hilarious and too true.

Congrats on the word count. The lost writing of yesterday was too calamitous to contemplate.

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Fust is a perfect word. It sounds/feels/speaks like what it is. I'm so glad to know it now.

What a brilliant nosegay of socks--perfectly coordinated.

Speaker of the House, write on.

Mrs. Organic said...

I love that sock tip, so very practical. My laundry is similarly cramped. THe best landry I had was one we dedsigned ourselves - I miss that room, it was a joy to work in.

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