Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Things I Will Stop Doing Sometime Soon

#1.  I will stop disrespecting myself.

Yeah.  And I guess that's enough of a list for now.

Maybe we could even break it down into tinier steps ~
  1. I - as in me, remember me? loyal sidekick all these years of mortality? That friendly girl in the mirror with the sturdy-looking hands?  Bridge-person. Honeybee-person.  Pearly snail-soul so steadily treading the rain-gemmed grass, fine-tuned antennae reading the air.  Bright little boat bobbing along.  Remember me, my soul? 
  2. will - which means "can" which means "may" which means "you have permission" which means "why not"?
  3. stop - as in leave off, cease from persisting, let go of the kite string, no longer hold the line, no longer hold the lie, shrug off, surge past . . . maybe there are even more verbs waiting out there once we get past these?
  4. disrespecting - This is the tricky part.  We don't mean stop caring, but do stop carrying burdens, can't you?  Stop crouching. Stop cutting down to size.  (Whose size are you aiming for anyway?)  Stop apologizing to the world at large for who you are and what your life is - haven't you over and over done what you did with the best you had in you at the time?  Or nearly so.  And when you haven't - well, you haven't.  But you  know where to turn to turn back to the path, how to learn how to mend what's worth mending, how to carry forward what will carry you through.  That's good enough to be going on with.  And while we're at it, do stop apologizing to your younger self - she didn't know what life was bringing, she likes you anyway,  she's still here holding your hand.  Start talking to that wise old woman you're going to be.  Let go and turn away from the things you do that offend your soul - latch on to the graces and blisses that make you feel alive - which is what repentance is meant to mean.  Live in this body:  respect its needs for the hill-work, for early sleep and early rise, feed yourself as you would a cherished recuperating guest.  Grant this mind access to the work it needs.  We mean something like that. We think. It's anyway a place to start.   
  5. myself - Or just move the period over one word, eh?  Just stop disrespecting. Loose myself to run in the meadow and enjoy the promises with all the other children.
So what's so hard about that?


Caitlin said...

I like this post. Both what it says on the surface and what it means for my dear mama :)

Melody said...

How did I miss this post? I don't know.

Good list. Very good list. I'll borrow parts of it, if you don't mind.

And who is that cute thing that says, "Huzzah!"?

Emma J said...

Borrow at will.

And she is utterly adorable. What is better than daughters?

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