Monday, September 14, 2015

On a Mission - Week 1: the abyss


Dearests, welcome to my life --

What do you do when your life falls into the abyss?

What can you do but climb out again?
(and write cartoon apology/love letters)

And start all over.  

And even then my gallant little ship of soul was torpedoed once again when I couldn't respond with a can-do attitude or even a how-about-this-instead approach to a (perhaps somewhat unrealistic?) request from a friend in crisis. And having to put in public words how without-a-job our family is made it all more real than ever.  And more and more the burden bore down how unpromising the horizon looks.  And worst of all is how worthless I feel.  How can I be any kind of helping hands if I have nothing in my hands to give?  

But the Lord is mindful of me always.  And when I am mindful of Him, I can come within earshot of His voice.  I was poking around on my Gospel Library app and found a whole area with support materials for missionaries.  In "Adjusting to Missionary Life"  the first section is about understanding and managing stress.  

Yup, I thought, even if my mission is just to live my life with some kind of dignity and peace and not drive the people around me crazy.

I began to read and at these words . . . 
"Be kind to yourself.  Talk to yourself with the same kind, comforting words you would use with someone else.  Everyone gets frustrated or makes mistakes sometimes.  Know that the Lord understands.  Imagine Him sitting close to you, listening and offering support.  Remember, thoughts of helplessness, hopelessness, or harsh condemnation are not from the Lord."
. . . I began to sob, laying my head down on my arms there at the table. 

For a moment it was if I really was sitting there with my Savior and He was listening to me and assuring me that I had it in me to carry on.  

And so, here I am, carrying on. As usual.  The Abyss is just my usual first stop on any important journey. 

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